dear scarlet

i dreamed about you last night. it was a nightmare. i can't believe that i still am having nightmares about you. it's has been almost two years, and yet i still can hear your voice clearly. the fact that i saw you on tv last sunday and i visited your friendster page might have triggered the nightmare. you really are back. i never really had the chance to really tell you how i felt then. or maybe if i did, you will not even give me a chance. you will throw cuss words loudly if i attempted to begin. you we're always like that. and i pity you.

you called me names then. that i was a lier, i was insecure, i'm lazy, i'll never have real friends, and i'm better of somewhere else. and it wounded me. because of just one tiny lousy incident about your precious bed sheet and your old rusty rice cooker. yes, i admit it, it was my fault. i remember apologizing about it for how many times then, but you wouldn't hear of it. you were just too god-damn proud. you probably figured it out during those five-so-so months that we shared the same roof that i was bullied before and it was my first time living outside home. oho! silly me, i did share that fact with you during out first week together over dinner. that's why you always shout and you always give me nasty looks. i can't remember the time you talked to me in a calm, endearing voice. bitterness runs through your veins.

maybe you'll figure out by now that i visited your friendster profile. and it still amazes me that you are so proud that you make other people's lives miserable. that it adds to your ego that other people are scared or hurt. you did made mine hazy. you did. and even if i tell it to your face, i know it will mean nothing.

one thing that's really hurt me is that my friends that i loved chose you over me. they worshipped you and ignored me. they betrayed me.

you know what, if ever we'll cross path again, i'll do the thing that i did last night in my dream (or nightmare). i'll be ecstatic to see you. i'll say hi and even hug you tight. i'll do that with a big smile on my face. i'll even share to you that i am trully happy now and found new friends. and you'll realize that not all people are always scared of you. maybe it will tone down your bitterness towards me, as well as your swelling ego.

but of course i might be a bit hesitated, 'cause in my dream you said that if i'll step further, you'll hunt me down and kill me. nevertheless, it really is worth the try.