Wednesday, August 20

First flight

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Spending the remaining days of the week in Cebu for work + rnr. I'll be boarding an airplane for the first time in a few hours. Been thinking about Mama the whole day. Naalala ko lang yung naunsyame niyang pagkakataon na makasakay ng eroplano. I remember how devastated she was that she had to be sick a day before her flight going to Aklan. Paulit-ulit siya, 'Hindi talaga siguro niloob ng Diyos na makasakay ako ng eroplano.'. And I remember me just being dumb-strucked because I do not know what to say to make her feel better. 

You'll be in my thoughts the whole flight, Ma. I'll be fulfilling both our dreams in a few hours. And I believe this would not be the last time...

I miss you.

Friday, July 11

Step Up My Game

Information overload may be an understatement on what made up my day today. I've attended two meetings where the results were completely overwhelming. But before I go into detail about today, let me make a note first of what has been happening to me in the past months.

The start of the year, I told myself that I would be updating this blog more often. But my short attention span and generally the lack of interest of actually writing stuff down were two of the main reasons why I haven't been updating that much lately.

But I should stop that nonsense and start a routine of writing down my thoughts.

Just to give you a low-down on the past six months: I resigned from my job last March. Then of course I panicked and got depressed. I have been working professionally (read: getting paid for what I do) since I was 14. And having two months of my life with doing almost nothing at all was a bit of a shock. Fast-forward, I got a job. Let's call it job #1. And I only stayed there for 9 days. To make the long story short, I got depressed again. Then after a series of different interviews, I landed another job (which I'll be labeling job #2) but I only stayed there for two days and decided to leave because of the not-so-comforting schedule.

I have now settled with job #3. I am now a Content Provider for a company based in San Francisco. The demands of the job is a little similar to what I've done for almost eight years as a Technical Writer, but the major difference is it's work from home. No morning traffic, no time in, basically no face-to-face interaction with your co-workers. Something unconventional. Something that I needed. I am still adjusting with the writing style and still learning the routine or not being able to interact directly with my co-workers. The pay is good but since it's a work from home gig, I will not get the usual benefits of someone who works for a corporate company. My father was furious but that would be another post. I survived the first month. The tasks are becoming more challenging and I am hoping I can keep up and do this long term.

The perks of the work from home scenario is I have a lot of free time. Free time to try and taking on responsibilities (read: raket) for other companies part time.

Fast-forward to today, after two meetings, I realized that I have to step up my game and be more focused and confident in taking on these new responsibilities. I officially started my first day and had a briefing on my tasks for the new company being run by a good friend of mine. His trust and confidence in what I can do are both scary and overwhelming. But again as I said I have to stop being the scaredy cat that I am and own the responsibilities and tasks at hand.

Then I went to the other meeting I had scheduled today for another part time job. It went well. I have until Monday to decide whether I want to take the job. Time management will be the key here. And my biggest enemy to take on these new responsibilities is myself and myself only.

I am excited for the coming weeks. If I'll be able to perform and form a routine in juggling these tasks, I'll be back on track and more stable before the year ends.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, July 9

The Playlist #14

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Two months ago, Vandalsonthewall asked me to curate a playlist for their 'THE PLAYLIST' series. The feature came out last Monday and I am beyond thrilled because it was two days after my birthday!

I am deeply honored to be asked to do this task because for the section, they "gather fresh perspectives from key influencers in the local music scene". I never really saw myself as a "key influencer", just a fan who adores and is very much inspired by the music and the people behind it.

It's not the 'most indie' playlist, but I picked SOME of the songs that I consider 'life-changing' and are continuing to inspire me to be open and explore more on what our music scene has to offer. 

Check out my playlist here and listen to tracks from EraserheadsOurselves the ElvesTruefaithThe Naked LightsTwin LobsterMikey Amistoso, SandwichImagoAutotelic and Up Dharma Down.

Thank you,!

Saturday, June 28

Soon but not now

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There's one thought that has been bothering me all day. I kept hearing my mother's voice in my head. But I am not sure if the conversation really happened or my conciousness is just making it up. I cannot remember if my mother told me to not leave my father. I remember her telling me she was afraid to loose my father. I never really had a conversation with my father telling me he's afraid to loose my mother. Mama knew perfectly well I never had the best relationship with Papa. She was his best friend, I am not.

I do not know how to talk to my father.

My father never really knew the real reason why I left home. Why I chose to live my life on my own. He always say he hated my friends because they were a bad influence. But the truth is, these people around me now, some of them I've only known for barely two years, were the ones who were there for me. They kept me sane and appreciate life more. They inspired me and believed in me. I want to talk to my father and tell him, explain to him why I left home.

But I am not ready yet.

Saturday, March 22